Balls and Bondage

It's been a while. I still think about you. Things are chaotic but the rush keeps it interesting. Some say I'm consumed. Perhaps, but I'm ok with that. I've been busy, but a sense of nostalgia brings me here. to write. to tell. to vent.

I'm saying goodbye to the old me. Or is it the young me? I'm not sure. But this new me has an intense need to fly, float and be free. I was talking to a friend that at some point made my stomach turn. Today, he  makes me sad - he's lost and comfortable. With no lane open for take off, he's bonded to her, the rent and to a fear of living without passion.

It takes balls to fulfill your purpose. Heavy balls and it's not always pleasant. More importantly it takes conviction and reprogramming of subconscious thought. It also requires detailed attention to what the mouth invokes. Words are so powerful; they're beautiful and scary. Speak carefully.






     

Long Gone...

I've been awfully consumed with new elements in my life. Some may call me self-absorbed. If you define it by ambitious & reluctant not to exhaust the slightest opportunity, in which case I'm the poster child for self absorbency. Waiting for my check.

The only thing that makes me anxious is being absorbed by the establishment. The thought of having boundaries inundates me with helplessness. People often are defined by what they do, but to define one self in this light is a sign of a fractured self image. Confined to a title or ruled by an imposed paradigm would vanish any imagination, and then I would have no more self to absorb-how boring. So maybe I'm over indulging in my surroundings, and not in myself; I need to go beyond the norm to delight in all the possibilities my world will continue to grant me.

Sorry if any alienation occurs, I can't slow down, not even for you- (exception to the rule)

PS: see you if you get there.

Shake it off

There is an anaesthetic of familiarity, a sedative of ordinariness, which dulls the senses and hides the wonders of existence. For those of us not gifted in poetry, it is at least worth while from time to time making an effort to shake off the anaesthetic. What is the best way of countering the sluggish habituation brought about by our gradual crawl from babyhood? We can’t actually fly to another planet. But we can recapture that sense of having just tumbled out to life on a new world by looking at our own world in unfamiliar ways.- Richard Dawkins, Unweaving the Rainbow

Yesterday I chilled with a cool dude. A friend that exposed me to unfamiliar creatures and colours threw his eyes- bionic vision I'd say. We exchanged thoughts and he shared some of his favourites (read above). Brilliant. Basically, you can't evolve or transcend into a new or better sense of self without recognizing that your daily life needs to be tested and perceived differently. But you are the only one that can change the lens. 


How many times have I done the same thing over and over again, and thought nothing beyond the conventional paradigm it inhabits. How many times have I stared into your face, everyday maybe, and not recognize the extent of your beauty. I need to see things in their purest and ever changing form, which can only mean that I too always need to change the way I view things. Through art, love, faith, and science I will see them in a way that will eliminate the numbness of my automatic perceptions. Perhaps these elements seem contradictory in nature, but as an evolved version of my ancestors I can elevate my sense of being by refusing to conform to the familiar. 

Me Like

A is for absolutely astonished and in awe for
Being in a state of
Consciousness that
Does not
Exemplify or
Follow my
Girl-like
Hesitations.
In fact,
Jess usually
Keeps
Looking the other way.
Mainly because
No
One
Presents a Pier
Quite like this.
Realizing that I want to
Step on despite the
Tides; Turns Things
Upside down.
Very
Worried,
X-cept 
You
Zen things out.

Now you know my ABC,
won't you give me a peanut butter cookie while in NYC?