Always within a never

I looked in the mirror just now, and realized that facial expressions have started to contour my face. No wrinkles yet, I got my daily tonic-scrub-hydration-sun block-and more moisture-ritual perfected. But I can see time. Who said time was intangible?

 My girl not long ago told me about the cycles of 7; every seven years you transition into a different cycle, and I'm finishing the forth. It makes sense, and I'm happy. I'm happy because I know most of me. I recognize what I cherish and appreciate, and what I don't like and won't tolerate-finally (deep sigh). I realize that I still have much to learn-constant undertaking-but I am accumlating stories I will one day share with a new love.

But what makes me really happy is that I finally have consciousness of commitment and determination. I mean, despite how hard shit gets, there is nothing I can't do-always within a never. Call me corny, whatevs, but I think you have the power to invoke anything. You just got to believe it yours. Good vibes at all all times.  

The determination is always the basis of all significance, of all tension, of all tendencies- Antonio Negri

My talented friend shot me the other day

My girl Allison is a stelar makeup artist 

Note: I realize the photo is dramatic but this is my blog.

C.

Amanda Parris

As part of the 2010 WORD! SOUND! POWAH! Festival:
"32C"
Playwright. Storyteller - amanda parris
Director. Dramaturge - d'bi young

Unveiling- Exposing- Regretting. This trinity manifested sounds like a phobia to me. A barrier that blocks love coming in, and recently, love leaving me. It's scary to get hurt, to give, and not receive.

 I went to go see a play, 32C by a talented and empowering young woman, Amanda P. This powerful play, written by Parris, touched upon elements of love, revolution, baggage, roots, cycles, fulfillment, & courage. It spoke to  the audience, it spoke to me. I could relate to elements in my life, and as I looked around I could see eyes glued on she. I realized that being scared of love and giving love is always for the same reason, no matter how hard you try to standardize 'no love' seasons. Fear of lacking courage. You or me, one of us could be the coward, let's just say its me.

You see, what if you don't say "I agree...take me please." But you gotta take a risk and allow your heart to be at ease. Because no matter what, you can look back and have no regrets that you gave it your all. Never half-ass, but always in three, Mind-Body-Soul given to thee.

Note: Amanda, you were incredible and that's an understatement. Very happy to have witnessed your talent and passion. Amazing.

Orbits

"Soul Under the Moon" Yayoi Kusuma, 2002

Do you ever space-out? I do. All the time. Do you think or do you blank out? Do you see that person's face? Do you kiss it or punch it? Choose one. Did you record? Rewind and press play? How can I erase it? Tell me...please.

Sometimes I do stupid things, but most of the time I can never let it go. Letting go of stuff is necessary to move and hopefully grow. No baggage just breaths easing your mind. Sounds easy but my purse is really heavy, too many lipsticks.

*perception can distort authenticity. Always smile.

The Gleaming Lights of Souls

                                                                                  

And Cut

Recently, I woke up and I realized that rubbish-define as you may- is so passé. Words, actions, and energies that don't affirm positivity no longer fit with my style. Granted, ugly stuff happens, but you need contrast to see beauty. I get it. But I lost patience not for ugly things but for negatively charged things. 

I also realized that I dislike drama-it pinches the mouth of my stomach- so why am I sometimes a supporting actress in ridiculous scenes? I feel cheesy doing it. Maybe I was a better actor before, stupidly able to play the role. But new lights changed the stage and now I direct the acts. Still reaching for the globe but I switched genres, from drama/horror to action. 

Las Mañanitas de Chris

I like pretty things. Faces especially. Some faces you can't remember and other faces, you can't forget. I especially love faces that have eyes that tell truth and reflect love. No words required, despite how beautiful the mouth is, just a look and you know.

I'm happy today made the most beautiful face I know, and at me stares the friend with the most love I've ever received. Yesterday was fun, today is ours, and tomorrow we will still be dancing.  Happy Birthday mi abejita.